What Have I Done
by ReadBooksWriteThings
Summary: A drabble in which Severus regrets his choice of telling the Dark Lord the prophecy and must encounter the aftermath of his mistakes. Happy Leap Day!


**This was written for 'Ash Wednesday' competition on 'The Golden Snitch Forum'. I had to write a 700–2000 word story in which a character repents for their sins. I used this by having Severus realize the weight of what he has done.**

**School/House: Beauxbatons, Barbegazi**

**Word Count: 86****5**

**Okay in this story I have Severus reading a newspaper as means of getting the news and I get that a newspaper most likely wouldn't be published so soon but since Voldemort's defeat was so highly anticipated, I think there would have already been articles written about it.**

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Severus' hand trembled as he read the newspaper clutched tightly in his hand. He couldn't believe the news that it held. The Dark Lord had been defeated? By a one-year-old? Impossible!

He knew he ought to be relieved, he had been waiting for the Dark Lord to fall ever since he had told the dark wizard about that blasted prophecy. But something was wrong, he could feel it.

He scanned the newspaper once again, this time more carefully, and felt his heart drop to the floor.

"No, no, no." His voice sounded cracked even to his muddled mind.

_Lily was dead?_

Severus sank to the ground amid all the celebrating people. He didn't care if anyone saw him like this. Lily, his sweet Lily, was dead. His whole world was gone. And it was all his own fault.

He took in a heaving breath before ripping the blasted newspaper to shreds.

It couldn't be real, could it? Lily couldn't be dead, she just couldn't. Severus lost himself in his thoughts, _she was so young._

He was startled back from his almost trance-like state when a pair of celebrating wizards who were in the Order almost tripped over him.

"Hey," one of them barked, "Don't just sit there."

"Relax," said the other who offered Severus a hand, "this is no time to be rude. You-Know-Who has been defeated at last."

Severus ignored the second wizard's hand and stood, brushing his hands against his cloak. The two wizards froze, seemingly recognizing him as the mean, sarcastic member of the Order. They quickly walked away, leaving him alone.

He rubbed at his face, wiping away a stray tear. He couldn't be weak, not now. He had to know if it was true. If Lily was really gone.

Maybe the newspaper had gotten the wrong information. He tried to cling to little shreds of hope, that maybe Lily was still alive.

Taking a deep breath, he filled his mind with thoughts of the only person he had ever loved. He knew that he wouldn't be able to get into the Potter's house if Lily and James were alive. But if they were dead...

His worst nightmare was confirmed when he landed outside a very much destroyed house. Some parts seemed to have been blown off while others were caved in. This was their house, who else would plant lilies and petunias outside the front door. Even if Lily didn't talk to her sister, she still cared enough to be reminded of her every day.

Severus walked through the blown-apart door. The living room was a mess and parts of the staircase had been blasted away. Still, he spotted the body of James Potter lying on the steps that were still intact. As much as he absolutely despised the man, Severus still felt a twinge of guilt that it had been him who had caused this man his death.

But wait, Lily wouldn't let Potter die just like that. She must have been protecting her child. The one the prophecy was about. Severus knew he should just accept that Lily was most likely dead, but there was a part of him that couldn't help but hope.

He searched through all of the rooms on the top floor, looking for any sight of his best friend. Finally, there was only one room left.

"Lily!"

There, lying on the floor as still as a statue, was Lily. Severus ran to her, choking back on a sob. He frantically checked her pulse, nothing. She truly was dead.

Severus gasped, feeling a horrid sharp pain in his chest. Lily was gone. She was dead. There was no one like her, and she was forever gone. He finally let the tears flow. This was his fault. Oh, Merlin, this was all his fault. If he hadn't told the Dark Lord about the prophecy, none of this would have happened. _How could he have done something so terrible?_

When he joined the Death Eaters, he knew how upset Lily would be. But there weren't friends anymore and Severus managed to convince himself that he didn't care for her anymore. But he still did.

He knew the prophecy would help the Dark Lord but never, never in a million years did he imagine that it would hurt the girl he loved. He didn't even know that she had encountered the Dark Lord in the past. He tried to reason with himself, Dumbledore said Lily would be safe, that no harm would come to her. Severus had done everything for Dumbledore, he had been a secret spy, but it wasn't enough. Lily had still died. Dumbledore had lied to him.

Severus felt a surge of anger go through him as he cradled Lily's lifeless body in his hands. Dumbledore hadn't kept Lily safe. But just under the surface of the bubbling anger, he felt other emotions; horrible sadness and regret.

The regret was overwhelming. If he could go back in time, he never would have joined the Dark Lord. Never. Only, he couldn't go back in time. There was no way to save Lily.

"What have I done," Severus choked, stroking Lily's limp hair. "What have I done?"


End file.
